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The Bachelorette – What We Can Learn from Emily Maynard, A Class Act

4 Jul

The Bachelorette. The show is like cotton candy. Fluffy and pink. Super sugary.

You are left at the end of each episode a bit empty, and wanting more.

A perfect product.

I stand by my first critique of the show, which is how the producers set it up with the highly sexualized tuck in at bedtime, and the horse riding, et al.

But my hat is off to Emily Maynard. When I think about all the young gals watching, I truly do think that Emily Maynard is an excellent role model.

She really has charmed me, has taught me, and has chosen excellent guys as her last 3. She, by her beingness, has set the tone for the show, how the guys treat her, and how she is depicted by the editors and the show itself. She is on par with Ali Fedotowsky, perhaps even exceeding her. The similarities of Ali and Emily are clear: witty, wise, authentic, classy, level-headed, vulnerable, and sassy awesome gals!

What We can Learn from Emily Maynard:

1. She knows what she wants.

She has made it clear from the get-go that she is seeking a lifetime partner and provider for herself and her daughter. Period. She has also made it clear that she is looking for a loving and playful relationship. She said at the top of a list of characteristics she is seeking is: laughter.

2. She teaches others how to treat her – She won’t put up with any BS.

When Kalon said that her daughter is essentially “baggage” – she found out and called him out on it, and told him to go. She didn’t go all back woods West Virgina  on him, as she had said she wanted to.  She pointedly asked him if he had anything to say for himself, and he didn’t really, and so she just told him to go.

Then she was indeed a bit dazzled by Ryan’s (disgusting) “charm” but recognized that she felt unsafe with him – particularly due to a collection of red flag ridiculous comments from him such as him referencing her as a trophy wife, and saying if they are  married and she puts on a few pounds he just might not love on her as much  or something to that effect.

When he said he wanted a trophy  wife – she had called him out on it, saying,

“Well, trophies don’t speak back.”

 What she was saying in her Southern accent was:

Oh, so you want a submissive silent beauty, huh?

Well, that ain’t me. 

And so off he and his massive ego went crying in that little black limo.

With the whole “baggage” comment by Kalon, she was hurt by Arie in particular, because she felt a special connection with him, and thought that he would have had her back, and would have told her and/or said something/confronted Kalon. She told him this directly, that she is looking for a man who has her back, and by doing so she taught him that there are consequences for not standing by your woman. The next few episodes we see Ari kind of having a come-to-God revelation he just might lose the woman he is falling in love with if he does not man up  and protect her and stand by her, choosing the woman over the fear of speaking up and disrupting harmony and potentially losing the boys. Hoes before bros, yo.

3.  She takes up space by being self-assured and charming – She does not lead with her sexuality.

I’m still traumatized by last season when that little gal got on Ben’s lap and tried to seduce him. OMG. And as I’ve  noted, Courtney really did  do seduction right – and I love her for it. But we see the damage in her, by her leading with pure sex.

Emily is the antithesis – and I think of all of the other Bachelorettes, she has really shown America not how a women sexually seduces a man, or leads with insecurity and craves male validation such as Ashley Hebert,  but how a woman incites love in the male heart.

She does this by knowing she is worth everything she wants.

She does this by knowing she is valuable, loveable, special, feminine, and fabulous.

She waits and watches their actions.

She checks in with herself to see how she feels when she is around them.

She contemplates – does he have the capacity to make me and Ricki happy?

This knowingness is reflected in her behavior towards herself, and also in the confidence and kindness she expresses towards the guys.

Bad Television + Bad Behavior: The Fearless, Fabulous, and Horrible Aubrey O’Day and Courtney Robertson

13 Apr

Who is SheCritique?

Well, you can’t take the F out of the feminist, even when she is plugged into Hulu.

And I’ve given up alcohol and cigarettes, oh so good bad boys AND sugar – and because there is no other hit like a hit of the toxic. Then deconstructing the stench.

Because I’m addicted to bad tv. Because I can’t turn off my radar. I’m in jest, well…sortof. This blog is not only about TV, but today it’s where I start.

So, what is a she critique?

I often do not know the people in the TV shows, their names, their past bad TV shows, who they are dating, if the bag they are holding is hot off Rodeo or from the rack at Ross , or what red carpet they recently tromped on. Everyone is at once themselves, and a total product of culture. What they say, how they are responded to, what we can glean from all this – this is what is of interest to me. It is of interest because it is about representation. It is of major interest to me because each person transmits a message. For those who are watching, if there is not a critique, there is just ingestion. And when you take something in with no assessment, no filter, it’s bound to wind up living in you in a way that may – influence your own behavior – or influence the way in which you perceive yourself or other women. You’ll see, baby.

I’ve been paid to be a blogging ghostwriter from brands to a self purported advocate for the confidence of young girls and women – why not begin writing from my own voice only. Time to build a brand- She Critique.

So, what a better way to inaugurate a blog but with an assessment of some down-home bad behavior. Bad is always a good place to start.It’s also good to see where the “bad” label is coming from, who has deemed it so, and why. Let’s trim away the horribleness and learn from , tweek, and replicate bad behavior that is actually good. Let’s celebrate the attributes in each that feel emancipated, that are inspiring, that are generally awesome.

Aubrey O’Day on Celebrity Apprentice. OK. So Aubrey was called a whore by the guy who is primarily and basically known to woof like a dog (Arsenio Hall). He said your naked pictures are all over the internet and you are a slut with a big gut. Really original. So he called her a derogatory name and insulted her body. Lame. He blamed his outburst on his passion for his charity when in essence he had a complete freak out because he could not believe that Aubrey would not change his photo for their challenge, and also that she tried to take all the credit for work the whole group did together. He was mad because she took over, interrupted, did not do what he wanted, was not a team player. I was mad at her, too.

Lisa Lampanelli said to Arsenio that now every woman in America would perceive him this way, calling women bad names. And Aubrey said that both Clay and Arsenio “gang banged” her – and “so typical for men threatened by strong women.” The whole thing sounds really 90’s buzz wordy to me.

I googled Aubrey to look for the naked photos, and saw voluptuous and tacky but did not see a gut. I just saw that she used to be blonde and now is siren red. Looks like she is into some crappy shit and some crappy clothes and a crappy scene. Nothing new for the Celebrity Apprentice cast members. It made me sad for her, to look so trashy and Barbie doll odd in those photos when she has proven to be innovative, super smart, confident, fabulous, and creative on the show. I have been impressed with and inspired by her fearlessness. With her ability to think on her feet. But she interacts with people in a way that does not empower them. Yes, she is a bully, how amazing that her celebrity charity is an organization all about combatting bullying (which is very in vogue now, obviously this is why she chose it) . Her stance also made me sad for her, for her to use the “men are threatened by strong women” song, when really people are over her because she is just acting like an asshole in exactly the same way that men act like assholes.

So, in this case, Aubrey’s asshole(ness) is not a gendered point (to go over).

She was pulling out her own gender card then. Take some responsibility. Although I’m sure Clay and Arsenio may have “issues with women,” they are fairly fairy – meaning, if she wanted to she could have run the show and gotten her way , without being so horrible, with just a bit more nuance.

It is really inappropriate for me to bring in Michelle Obama at this point, especially in this company of Aubrey, and later, of Courtney – but I need to provide a counter. . When I think about Michelle Obama I think : innovative, super smart, confident….fearless and fabulous. She is AMAZING on the Colbert Report. The one woman on The Celebrity Apprentice who I thought had dignity and grace and power and smarts was Patricia Velasquez.

Courtney from The Bachelor. I love her. I’m bringing her back into the conversation because I love her. No it is not interesting that she is a model, grew up in privilege in Arizona, is a wounded soul, or has refined her craft of male manipulation to a T. What is interesting to me is that she is amazingly sassy, and again, fearless. No, it is not good that she did not become friends with the women in the house, no it is not good that she snarkily said “winning!” to another bachelorette – which was really not in reference to “winning” the bachelor’s heart, but more of “winning” the status of being the forerunner of this wretched reality show.

In Courtney’s case, I would say that yes, the media did gang bang her. And then, in After The Final Rape, I mean After The Final Rose The Women Tell All, Courtney was forced to apologize for taking up space, for being fearless, bold, herself. She was outspoken, and weird, and quirky. Yes, she was horrible too – but she did not deserve the backlash she received. My favorite word that Courtney was called in the tabloids was: Maneater. It was horrible to see how she seduced Ben, with her skinny dipping debacle etc, etc, etc, etc……but for All of America to demonize her was insane. Maneater? The Woman Every One In America Loves To Hate? No the cannibalism truly took place when the media and “the girls” on the Bachelorette took to Courtney and tried to break her down for exactly the kind of woman she has been primed to be by Culture. Seductive. Sexy. Mysterious. A Female Suspicious of Females. Remember when that really scrawny gal jumped on Ben’s lap and tried to seduce him? That was very unfortunate. Actually it was extremely upsetting, as I know that her actions were only a replication of what she has seen in blogs, magazines, on YouTube, on MTV. That girl failed in her attempt of seduction, and Courtney succeeded with flying colors. And then she was punished for it. A very, very bad girl.

What I appreciate in Aubrey and Courtney is their verve, competitive nature, smarts, and scrapiness. And then, Michelle all the way. Fearless and full of grace.

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